i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
