wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
high people should be assigned attendants
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Randomize
