Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
