First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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