Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
