can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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