Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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