i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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