I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Such a big mess for such a small penis
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize