using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
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