What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
