We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
