i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
