before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
