So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
