Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
