A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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