i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
