well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
