I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
