I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
