He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I intend to get homeless drunk
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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