i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
