So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
