were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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