I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize