Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
