the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
