dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
