His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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