Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
