Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
