Nicole vs. Life
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
