Jerry, you need to find god
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
