literally had 100 drinks last night.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
