Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
