i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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