so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Randomize
