My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
