Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
