What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
