There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
