just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
