is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Of course I have a pirate flag
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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