heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize