You really coming over, don't trick.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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