I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
