I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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