there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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