why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
