If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Sorry my hands just texted you
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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