fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
