help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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