Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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