How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
