worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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