The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
