what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
