Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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