I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
