Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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