I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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