Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I looked at my own cervix.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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