i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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