we made out on top of his cat.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
