there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
