I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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