last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
