your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
