I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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