You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
