so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
