He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
