dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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