Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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