you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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