Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
